It's Friday. Sex?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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