I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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