I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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