you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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