Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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