i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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