the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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