OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I love you. Go after that dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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