I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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