I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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