I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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