hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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