You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize