You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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