Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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