Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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