her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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