her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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