So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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