don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
one might say we're banned from that church
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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