dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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