god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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