All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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