My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize