does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize