but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize