I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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