Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize