Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize