Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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