Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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