Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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