Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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