Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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