It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize