my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize