We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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