it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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