Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do herpes really smell.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize