Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize