i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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