You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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