there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're a waste of cheezeits
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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