So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did I show you my penis last night?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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