M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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