I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize