So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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