too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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