Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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