hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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